Why I blog

Hubby teased me (lovingly) tonight - that I am an active blogger. Hehe, I post several entries per day! I guess it's because it's such a new toy for me. Give me two weeks and we'll see if I'm still equally active.

Two weeks is my period of enthusiasm. Then I get tired. Especially when there's no chance for development or growth. It's like my old relationships. For some reason, they stagnate after two weeks. Then it's goodbye time. There were only five people that lasted longer than two weeks. Three of them I got (unofficially and officially) engaged with, one I married and divorced. And now my hubby. But this time it's a keeper. It's not so easy to get inte a harmonious relationship like this...

Back to the blog - perhaps after two weeks the enthusiasm is gone? Why do I blog in the first place?

When I started in 2009 - I wasn't really serious. It was more of curiosity about how it worked. That was why I wrote only around 12 entries that year.

But since December 2010 - I took it seriously. Perhaps it was this 40 years of existence that made me eager to document my life. Anything can happen to me. Sickness can strike, death can come...

What happens if I die? Who will tell Tuwa about me? All my family members and my friends from my youth - they are all far away. Will Tuwa learn about my culture, my tradition, my faith, my identity, my background, my family?

No one. They are all too far away.

I have to make sure that she has pictures and documentation. Make sure that she will be proud of her Pinoy family and culture. The Philippines may not be as rich and advanced as Sweden - but there are many things she can learn from it through me. Many things that can warm her heart, make her proud and strong.

I want her to know how much I love her. How much she means to me. How much I want her to be strong and smart and tough and wise.

Before I started posting like crazy, I had a dream - a  beautiful one - where I saw my grandma in this great cornfield where there grew watermelon-sized apples. I wanted to stay there, and plant with grandma, when I heard Tuwa crying out for me. I said to my grandma I'd collect Tuwa, but grandma told me not to, for Tuwa's time has not come.
"Are you ready now", she asked me.
I would never know the answer - because at that point I was awakened by Tuwa's cry. She was also having a dream, and she wanted me to hug her...

Now perhaps this is just a dream - but if ever...you know...I want to be ready.
Tuwa will remember me even after I'm gone. And she will have a home that will welcome her in the Philippines.
I will forever love her - and she will read about this love for as long as she wants.